The Amityville Asylum

The lunatics are definitely running the aslyum because another movie based on my beloved Amityville franchise has wrapped filming and is almost ready for the rabid, drooling direct-to-dvd fan base who can’t get enough of bleeding walls and copious amounts of flies. This one is called The Amityville Asylum and based on the poster that was just released it is about the world’s creepiest doll collector.

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Here is what the kind folks from the press department have to say about the plot of this gem and how it ties in into the Amityville mythology.

Lisa Templeton begins a new job as a cleaner at High Hopes Hospital, a mental institution in Amityville, Long Island. Initially delighted to get the job, Lisa soon realises that all is not as it seems. Intimidated by staff and the psychotic ramblings of the patients, she is further unnerved by apparent supernatural occurrences on the night shift. To preserve her sanity, Lisa must uncover the mysterious history of the institution and its inmates. But the truth is far more terrifying than she could ever imagine.

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The director Andrew Jones tells us that this story ties loosely into the DeFeo story which means that someone at some point in this movie will say the name DeFeo which is all one needs to add the word Amityville to any movie title. For instance, if Channing Tatums character in Magic Mike had been named Michael DeFeo then the movie could have been The Amityville Lapdance and we’d have learned how the handsome son of a distant DeFeo cousin did his best to escape the family legacy by dry-humping horny debutantes. Or how about the exciting tale of Bilbo DeFeo, a vertically challenged young man who sets out  on a quest to discover his roots in The Hobbit: An Amityville Journey. See how easy that is? With so many Amityville movies in development (The Amityville Legacy, The Amityville Tapes) Bravo could do a reality show about making Amityville movies. They could call it Chasing Jodie.

While digging around for info on this movie I stumbled up a Wikipedia entry on Ricky Kasso, a Long Island teenager and Satanist who among other things dug up graves, stole skulls and murdered a classmate while two friends watched. Ricky had spent some time in the South Oaks Psychiatric Hospital, formerly known as….THE AMITYVILLE ASYLUM! Kasso’s story sadly didn’t end well, but it sounds like it would make a good movie. Unfortunately it won’t be THIS movie. Check out the real Amityville Asylum. Creepy huh?

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I’m sorry. I’ll be nice. In all honesty I will totally see this movie and I might even enjoy it. It’s just that the whole Amityville machine is becoming a bit ludicrous. Everyone and their cousin has a movie coming out, and most of them have nothing at all to do with anything. I guess the plot of this one is no less out there than my idea for a story about a guy so obsessed with the Amityville mythology he builds a replica of the house and starts murdering people in the basement so it will be haunted.

It’s fiction folks…not based on anyone I know. Cough.

I hope I am wrong. I hope that this movie surprises me and turns out to be really creepy and fun, but with an estimated budget of 20K I don’t have high hopes. It is worth noting that the director stopped by The Amityville Horror Truth Board to talk about this movie with the die-hard fans, so he gets props for that. Here is a snippet of what he had to say:

My film is an original story but there are plot points and back story that tie into the real life events surrounding the DeFeo case. So as I’ve said, it is called Amityville because it has direct connections to the DeFeo case, not because we’re quickly throwing together a film to try and cash in on the name.

Perhaps I am being unjustly skeptical. Only time will tell. The trailer drops sometime this month and that should give us a good idea about the direction this is taking. Until then I’ll be working on my own Amityville novel that is TOTALLY not about me or anyone I know or want to know. And don’t steal my idea.

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